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II. “Agent Smith Syndrome” or “No Exit” OR: “Everything is permitted, nothing is real.” (Continued from this post.)

According to the apocalyptic storyline which my friends and I had concocted – a shared movie storyline in which we (of course) had cast ourselves as the heroes – the dawn of the Aquarian Age after the turn of the Millennium would signal a return of the Holy Grail, since the symbol of Aquarius is a person pouring water from a cup or some other vessel. I was certain that this would be the deciding factor which would turn the tide of the battle in the “good guys’” favor. Of course the “bad guys” would try to keep it from being found, or would try to keep it for themselves.

Looking back, it was easy to see that part of the reason for this shared mythos was that it allowed us to transition into mundane adult life and function as “grown ups” without fully giving up our belief in magic, and the idea that there was more to existence than selling our labor, punching a time clock, and collecting a paycheck.

We weren’t sold on the idea of selling out, becoming 9 to 5 wage slaves, eventually having kids, buying a minivan, and moving to the suburbs. In short, it was a way of rebelling against the stability that we felt our Baby Boomer parents had betrayed their radical youthful ideals and dreams to achieve.

This was primarily happening for us during and after Bill Clinton’s re-election, when most of us were in our early twenties and going to college, working entry-level retail jobs, service jobs, or tech support jobs during a time when it was still taken for granted that a person could “work their way up the ladder” to economic prosperity. None of us were aware then that few of us or our Millennial kid siblings would even get a shot at the kind of stability and prosperity that our parents’ generation got to enjoy, anyway.

But we all felt that something was coming. The idea that some sort of cataclysmic event would occur right around the year 2000 weighed on the collective subconscious. You could feel it. We just had no idea that it would take the shape of the Dotcom Bust and a massive terrorist attack in New York city in 2001, followed by nearly a decade of war, and exacerbated by a financial crash in 2007 and 2008. We were thinking it would be way more fantastical and esoteric than that.

X Files and the film Independence Day had people watching the skies for Zeta Reticulan invaders. David Icke railed against the Reptilians that he claimed controlled society at every level. We’d watched the ATF stakeout, and eventually the botched raid, on the Branch Davidian compound in Waco on our TV sets in 1993, and seen the pictures of the creepy scene of the shrouded bodies in their Nike sneakers when the Heaven’s Gate cult committed mass suicide in 1997. And all of it fed back into the shared mythos of our peer group.

As I mentioned before, we were awash in conspiracy theories and a deluge of movies with apocalyptic themes, as well as the new age, religious, and occult literature which had become available to us as we graduated high school, got jobs, and started to investigate different belief systems. We appropriated ideas from everything we saw or read: from adaptions of ancient texts, to science fiction and fantasy novels, and comic books.

We clung to whatever “felt right” to us at the time, and looked for synchronetic patterns and connecting threads which would help us make sense of it all. At the turn of the millennium, everyone was dead certain that something was about to happen. We were still neck-deep in speculation about the Illuminati, the shadowy organization which was said to be a massive force controlling key events.


At the time, we were convinced it was peopled entirely by the descendants of the nephilim, who were said to have married and impregnated “the daughters of men” in biblical, pre-flood times, resulting in an elite inner circle convinced of their own superiority due to their otherworldly hybrid origins.

Debate raged between me and my friends at the time as to whether the nephilim-descendants in the Illuminati were even aware of their own true natures, or if they were just following instincts and traditions they’d been taught not to question – effectively as enslaved themselves to their own forms of social control as everyone else. The comparison to robots or machines running a rigid behavioral program kept coming up.

In the narrative that I and my friends cooked up, The Men In Black were supposed to be the enforcers of the Illuminati, eliminating threats, covering for their schemes, and maintaining the status quo of the Slave State.

I wondered about the stories I was hearing about the Men In Black – were they human? Automatons? Did they feel? Did they feel envious, or contemptuous, of human beings? Did they feel just as lost or alienated as I had felt in human society? Had one (or more) ever gone rogue?

Did the Illuminati see themselves as shepherds controlling humanity for its own good, with the various systems of control set in place as a necessary evil? Or did they see people as serfs, or even livestock animals to be corralled and exploited? What about those of us who felt as though we were nephilim-descendants ourselves? Were we like the “Muggle-borns” or “Half-bloods” of the Harry Potter novels? Second-class citizens be looked down upon by the “pureblood” Illuminati, and ostracized by the mundane human “Muggles” who didn’t understand us?

Of course it stood to reason that the original nephilim from which the families in the Illuminati (and their by-blows in the general population) were descended were probably still out there somewhere. We couldn’t decide amongst ourselves if the nephilim were really fallen angels, space aliens, an earlier, more advanced species which developed on Earth during a previous Epoch (I was pulling for the Melniboneans or the Vadagh) or eldritch other-dimensional horrors – or somehow all of the above.

Oddly enough, my own mental picture of the nephilim greatly resembled the “Engineers” that would appear in the Ridley Scott film Prometheus years later – pale-skinned, black eyes with no whites, and much taller than the average human – something that I felt compelled to remark upon when Prometheus was in theaters in 2012.

Image result for prometheus engineer

My favorite book on the subject is still From The Ashes Of The Angels by Andrew Collins. He describes them as being “tall, with white hair, burning eyes and viper-like faces.”

Andrew Collins proposed that they were perhaps a human tribe that practiced some sort of bird-shamanism. This could also account for legends of the Lilium (witchy bird-women connected with the legend of Lilith.)

But at the time, my brain wasn’t satisfied with anything less than a full-blown epic saga of secret psychic wars and cosmic conspiracies that reverberated throughout all of time and space.

I basically saw the nephilim as being like the Archons of the Gnostic writings – trapping souls within the reincarnation cycle so they could lord it over the physical world, while being served directly by their hybrid descendants within the Illuminati. These were in turn served by the mundane proletariat masses of humanity, who were being kept in check with the usual wars, “bread and circuses,” the constant threat of poverty, religious systems designed to keep everyone eternally at odds in order to render them more easy to control, and the Men In Black.

A couple of things happened in 1999 that seemed to confirm everything I’d been speculating about. First, the film The Matrix was released. Here was everything I’d been obsessing over, wrapped up in a dazzling sci-fi action movie extravaganza.

To me, The Matrix itself within the film served as a metaphor for the Akashic Record, from which Edgar Cayce had supposedly gained his prescient knowledge. It was also an allegory for the physical world created by the Demiurge, as well as the capitalist social construct. The machines symbolized the “robot-like” Illuminati, as well as the “worker drones” who were complicit in the very system which exploited them. Philip K Dick had also described humanity as being like “memory coils in a machine.”

The Agents were obviously Men In Black, with Agent Smith depicted as mentally snapping under the strain of having been assigned to enforce their control within a human society he couldn’t relate to. And hell, I could sympathize with that. I began to use the phrase “Agent Smith Syndrome” to describe the feelings of misanthropic alienation and rage that I’d experienced for most of my life at humanity’s short-sightedness and seemingly self-destructive behavior.

Beyond the obvious Christ analogy, Neo’s death and seeming resurrection appeared to me to be a metaphor for what would happen if a person were to physically die and, upon realization that our physical world is an artificial construct, to resurrect themselves with their memories of the Pleroma and the Akasha simultaneously intact, capable of Siddhis – real Magic(k.)

Later, when I got up to speed on Gnostic concepts, it seemed that the beings we were calling “nephilim-descendants” were actually Archons who were as entrapped within the physical “Black Iron Prison” (as author Philip K. Dick called our physical universe as we know it) and had mingled with the early humans, creating hybrids. It didn’t boggle the mind to suppose that some of them might be sick of  existing within an entropy-ridden 3D simulation, as Agent Smith was shown to be in The Matrix.

(Fun fact – the Elder Scrolls franchise of video games also incorporates Gnostic concepts like these into its mythos. Characters who achieve this kind of transcendent state, like Vivec and Talos, are said to have achieved the CHIM, the ability to change reality as they see fit. I was addicted to Elder Scrolls II –  Daggerfall through much of the late 1990s, playing it and replaying it as much as the many bugs within the game would allow. LOL Bugthesda.)

Like a lot of people at the time, I assumed that any sequel would involve Neo teaching everyone to bend reality within the framework of The Matrix, just as he was able to. The end of the film seemed to suggest that this was where the Wachowski Siblings were going with that – a perfect analogy for what would happen if everyone would just realize that they had the power to shape their own realities, and to “unplug” from the systems of control. I wondered if this would signal a dramatic “sea change” of enlightenment, and of people being able to manifest the Siddhis in real life.

One thing’s for sure – nothing has prevented the varied denizens of the conspirasphere from appropriating the themes and lingo from the Matrix films to suit their own agendas. These days, it’s kind of upsetting that people like  so-called “Men’s Rights Activists,” Neo Nazis, and Internet Cults love to reference The Matrix. It’s certainly left a mark upon the collective pop culture consciousness – sometimes, to its detriment.

(Some of you reading this may be aware of a specific “Matrix Otakukin Cult” which began on LiveJournal back in 2004, and a guy who claims to be the “quantum reincarnation of Neo in our world, because string theory.” Fuck that guy. He lived under my roof, ate my food, insulted me, and threatened me physically while I was letting him and his girlfriend/hangers-on live at my place, he stole my money, and pretty much attempted to steal anything else that wasn’t nailed down while I was out pulling sixteen hour shifts to try and keep us all from getting evicted. All that highly unstable psychopathic pillhead wants to do is pop Vicodin like PEZ, and LARP the Matrix films while hearing people tell him how awesome he is. That’s it, that’s the whole “Truth Of The Spoon.” Seriously, fuck that asshole.)

The second bit of information which I encountered led me down a rabbit hole that I didn’t climb out of again until around a decade later.

NEXT: “The Dragon Court.”


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